Wednesday, May 10, 2017


I'm sorry.
I wrote you letters, saying I was sorry for my part in everything. Please know, my intention was not to get involved in your marriage. I was hurt, scared, angry, and in a dark place (that I made myself), and I was lashing out without any real thought to consequence. I'm sorry for the things I said and the things I did.

Please know that I have done my level best to not be who I was during that time in my life. I was selfish and regardless of what was going on, regardless of how toxic my marriage had become, I did not handle myself well and I let the darkness swallow me whole. I gave in to it and I became something I hated.

I am not that person anymore. Who I am hates who I was...and I know I'll always carry who I was during that time as a part of me, but it is not who I am. I know that you know this-we are not who we were when we were at our lowest. You've changed, and I've changed.

I still hear things. I hear you moved up in your career again. I hear you made Airborne. I hear you and your wife are doing well. I'm happy for you. You've come so far from that kid I knew when we were both kids. It sounds like you've really dug into your potential and are excelling.

I also have dug into my potential and continue to do so. I constantly gauge my actions, thoughts, and intentions against those I held during that dark time, and I work hard to make sure that I never go down any roads similar to those when I gave up my integrity. Integrity and honor are hard things to earn and easy to lose, and I lost them both three years ago. But I have been fighting and working hard to regain both ever since...and I believe I have. I apologized to my ex-wife, and we have had a few hard but civil conversations since. I was able to clear my name from the false accusations of 2010. I went back in LE and have a reputation (that continues to grow) as a solid, professional cop of integrity. Regardless of what you heard, I started a new relationship AFTER my divorce. And in that relationship, I have worked hard every day to not be the selfish asshole I was in my last. Through my failures as a husband in my previous marriage, I learned how to be a better partner, and someday, a better husband than I ever was.
Anyway....I doubt you'll ever even read this, but I needed to write it anyway. Even if it's just for me. I know that where we left things off...both of us said we never wanted to hear from the other again. Just know...I would listen if you wanted to talk. You have my number.
I wish you well, brother.